Yahoo! Sports Contracts NHL to 15 Teams

Those crazy folks over at Puck Daddy have taken the axe to those failing markets that can't sustain professional hockey. Despite Gary Bettman’s best efforts, hockey is never going to catch on in places like Toronto, Montreal, and Winnipeg. In fact, under advisement from NBC sports we are sure; they have eliminated every single team from Canada. They have taken the league down to 15 teams, all from tv friendly big US metro Areas. See their “work” below:

Jagr Comeback Percentage Breakdown

Once and Future NHL Superstar Jaromir Jagr is on his way on a plane to New York to announce his return to play in North America.

Here is my percentage breakdown of chances Jagr says the following when stepping off the Plane in JFK this afternoon:

80% “I’m going back to my hockey roots and playing for the Pittsburgh Penguins. I’m honored to be working for my hockey idol Mario Lemieux and thrilled to be playing with great young talents such as Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, and Kris Letang. My one condition: the team goes back to its mid-90s odd colored alternate jerseys with the triangle pigeon logo so I can truly feel at home.”

11% “I’m looking forward for a new opportunity to play in Soff Euro-troit. Their non-physical, absolutely no fighting, puck possession, subtle interference running, skate all over the neutral zone style is exactly the kind of hockey my game is tailored for.”

5% “Je suis super a excité à être le prochain Européen énigmatique pour venir à Montréal être adoré comme un dieu bizarre. J'aimerais remercier mon google traduit application de téléphone pour ce texte prêt.”

1% “I’m taking my talents to South Beach and signing with the Florida Panthers. Like Lebron, I will demand a contract where I get to take off the final period of crucial playoff games.”

1% “I would like to come here to America to announce my retirement from pro-hockey to pursue a lifelong dream of chasing the lochness monster around the Scottish Highlands”

1% “I’m just here for a quick trip down to the Jersey City blackjack tables, what are all you media types doing here?”

1% Gets off plane, runs over to high-five Mario Lemieux, makes a sharp turn at the last second, from behind a pillar out jumps Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, and Chris Pronger. They beat down Lemieux unmercifully, Jagr rips off his Pens jersey to reveal a NWO/Flyer sweater underneath. Lays out the Big Guy with a stinky leg drop then hoists him back up in order to super kick him through a plate glass window. They spray paint the limp body of the Penguins owner while Brent Johnson glares down from the rafters dressed like Brandon Lee.

Jaromir Jagr Comeback?

As I've stated before once before on this blog, and many more times in different mediums, the Rule of Jagr is that he is just crazy enough that anything you hear about him and his future has a 2% chance of coming true.
The rumor mill surrounding Jagr has ramped up once again, with speculation being heavily focused recently on a possible return to the NHL with the Redwings. For those keeping track at home, he has also be linked in recent months to possible comebacks with the Montreal Canadians, Edmonton Oilers, Pittsburgh Penguins, and New York Rangers.
One of the more interesting aspects of the story that has been underreported is his purchase of his former Czech Elite Team, Kladno, which nurtured his talents as a young player. He has taken over the primary role as President of the Club from his father this February. The team is struggling financially and on the ice in recent seasons. I’m not an expert on the CBA, but would shoring up the finances of a European club with which Jagr has vested interests, or making a verbal commitment to do so upon his completion of service, be something that would be considered a violation of the established salary cap? I would think so, but it is such a unique circumstance that I doubt it is spelled out clearly, even in this league’s copious rulebooks.
I’m staying with my initial speculation that Jagr will stay in Russia, collect the largest amount of money he can there, and eventually retire home to Kladno and become the Czech Elite League version of Chris Chelios/Mark Recchi, playing there into his mid to late 40s. He has the talent and has been focused on conditioning long enough that he should be able to still contribute at that level for many more years. At what age will all the NHL return speculation cease to subsist? Damned if I know, but I’d say around 42.

The Ongoing NHL 1st Round Series + 2012 GOP Presidential Candidates

As we wind on through the primary round of the Stanley Cup playoffs, we also are on course for the determination of the 2012 Republican Party nominee for President. Both races have frontrunners, darkhorses, underdogs, and those barely hanging onto hope.

*For some reason the Phoenix Coyotes remind me a lot of Rick Santorum. Both face remarkably daunting odds, mainstream media irrelevance, and too little support from their home base. Yet I get a feeling for some reason that we have not heard the last from either of them. They are both spunky and plucky, so I wouldn’t be surprised if either carries on the fight longer than anybody is anticipating before ultimately falling short. At least if Santorum doesn’t grab the nomination there is no threat of him being forced to permanently move himself and his family to Winnipeg, Manitoba.

*The Western Conference is pretty much setup for the next round, at least in my head. I think the Detroit Redwings will ultimately dispose of the Coyotes, there is no way the San Jose Sharks will lose to the LA Kings, and the Nashville Predators/Anaheim Duck series is a tossup, but the winner will end up trekking up to Vancouver for the first game of Round 2. That is because the Canucks have totally wiped the floor with the defending Champion Chicago Blackhawks. I expected this would finally be the year that Roberto Luongo and the Sedin twins would break the “Curse of Chelsea Dagger,” but I certainly didn’t think they would be up 3 games to none and poised to sweep the current Cup holders out of the 1st round. Regardless, the 2nd round is shaping up as Canucks vs. Ducks/Predators and Sharks vs. Redwings. Those should both involve some very good hockey, and take heart San Jose fans; if the Canucks can beat the Blackhawks maybe this is finally the year your team can get over its 2nd round jinx. I won’t make official predictions yet for a round that hasn’t even started, but I have a feeling the best Twin combination in the league will be scraping up Octopi off the ice as their opponents raise (skate away from) the Clarence Campbell Bowl.

*Is Donald Trump a for real candidate for the GOP presidential nomination, or is this just a publicity stunt? The poll numbers actually look good for him right now, but I can’t imagine that he will seriously delve into a run here. He has a more than a few skeletons in his closet, and much more to lose than to gain in what will inevitably be an unsuccessful bid. He came out firing with the “Birther” card, openly questioning President Obama’s citizenship. That has made him a polarizing figure among the Tea Party crowd, who appreciate that incredible message, but in the end I cannot see them getting behind the epitome of elaborately suited corporate executives as their standard bearer. Donald Trump is about as far from being Joe the Plumber as I am from being Bob Woodward

*Tim Thomas is not a playoff goalie. He’s just not. His unorthodox style suits him well in the regular season when you only play the Boston Bruins once or twice a month. When he gets into a playoff series however the opposing team will eventually figure him out and crack him. That is why the Montreal Canadiens will get by the Bru-Crew in the 1st round. That and because, well they are the Habs and will always come out on top over Boston. Also, how on this green earth did Zdeno Chara miss game two due to “dehydration?” It seems to me that the Bruins are either hiding an injury or he must have been ridiculously sick to have missed such a crucial playoff game. There is no way a professional training staff would let their Captain miss a game of that magnitude because of lack of fluids.

* The Pittsburgh Penguins and Tampa Bay Lightning has been a fascinating series because of the contrasting styles of play. Pittsburgh is a strong forechecking even strength team who plays best when the game rolls along for extended periods of five on five action. Tampa has been dominant on special teams, lighting up the scoreboard on their powerplay and completely shutting down the Pens turns with the man advantage, and setting up a stifling 1-3-1 trap when they get in front. The first goal is extra crucial in games for this series, because both teams play much better with the lead then coming from behind. It’s been pretty even hockey so far, and if Tampa can hold serve at home in game four it becomes a 3 game series where the Pens have the two home games. It should go right down to the wire.

*Finally, here are my initial top 10 rankings for the GOP nomination for 2012:
1) Mitt Romney- He’s the front runner for now, but I don’t think he will be there the winner in the end

2) Mike Huckabee- The former Gov of Arkansas is my pick from right here to take the nomination. Solid mix of tea party cred without seeming like a far right ideologue. He will get the crucial support of the Southern Evangelicals as well.

3) Sarah Palin- The most polarizing figure on the GOP landscape, but her supporters will be the most energetic of any candidates if she does end up running.

4) Ron/Rand Paul- Whichever one of them ends up seeking the platform will split the tea support with Palin. They don’t have her charisma, but have more intellectual credibility. Unfortunately that is not what you need to become President.

5) Donald Trump- I’m stunned he is even on this list, yet alone so high, but if he does run his name recognition alone will make him a force to be reckoned with.

6) Tim Pawlenty- Very non-controversial former Governor of Minnesota. Very vanilla and bland candidate.

7) Newt Gingrich- The former Majority Leader was the architect of the 1994 wave and revolution. The firebrand probably has too much negative baggage to be a serious contender for 2012.

8) Michelle Bachman- Is great for making outrageous statements for Cable clip shows, will carry some favor with Tea votes, but nothing close to enough to crack the top 5.

9) Haley Barbour- The Governor of Mississippi has been called one of the smartest pols in the Republican Party. It will take quite a bit of maneuvering for him to get up this list, but don’t write him off as a darkhorse.

10) Rick Santorum- The former Senator from Pennsylvania will carry some support among the religious right and is a tireless campainger. Is he angling for a VEEP nod coming from a crucial battle ground State?

Stanley Cup playoffs update

After four days of action in the Stanley Cup playoffs four teams have a 2-0 series lead and three series are tied at 1. One game is in progress.
In the Eastern Conference, the Washington Capitals and Montreal Canadiens have a 2-0 series lead, while the Pittsburgh-Tampa Bay and Philadelphia-Buffalo series is tied at 1-1.
In the West, the Vancouver Canucks and Detroit Red Wings hold 2-0 leads. The Anaheim-Nashville series is tied at 1-1.
With 12:20 and counting in the third period, the Los Angeles King are on the verge of tying their series with the San Jose Sharks, as they hold a 4-0 lead.
The Canucks look to be the strongest team in the West in terms of their play so far. Roberto Luongo has been stellar in goal, and the defense is playing well against a high octane offense in Chicago.
The Canadiens have played very well in their first two games against Boston, and are on a mission to get back to the Cup finals.
The next week should be exciting. I see a seven-game series between Tampa Bay and Pittsburgh. The others should go six or less.

Sports, Politics, and Partisanship

It was about a year ago that fans of the Boston Bruins were up in arms about a hit placed by Matt Cooke of the Pittsburgh Penguins upon their forward, Marc Savard, which lead to a serious concussion for Savard. The outrage and venom from Bruins fans and their media was off the charts. Even though an almost carbon copy identical hit had felled David Booth of the Florida Panthers and no action was taken to punish the perpertrator, Mike Richards of the Philadelphia Flyers, you would have thought that Cooke playing for the rest of the season was the grossiest miscarrage of justice for decades in the league to hear a Bruins fan tell it.

Now the Bruins are on the opposite side of a controversial hit. Mamouth Defenseman and Captain Zdeno Chara was thrown out of a game last night against the rival Montreal Canadiens after shoving Max Pacioretty face first into the divder between the Bruins bench and the score keepers booth. Like Savard, Pacioretty had to be taken off the ice on a stretcher and right to a local hospital. I want a Bruins fan to come forward and really explain to me how the Chara hit on Pacioretty was different from Cooke’s hit on Savard. Neither was done with an intent to possibly end a guys career, but both were dangerous hits in the “gray area” between establishing a physical game and gladiatorial chaos on ice. I’m not saying this to condemn Chara, I’m saying it because I’m sure the self-righteous and pious Bruin fans will see no problem with the hit last night, while they continue to push for public flogging, Abu Ghraib styled tortures, and ultimate crucifixion of M. Cooke.

In this way sports is alot like politics. If a guy (or girl) on your team, party, or side of the aisle or spectrum, is embroiled in a scandal its always viewed as a rightous public servant being harrased or persecuted by the other side, media, corporations, unions, or whatever boogeyman is a plausible explanation. While if it is someone that you don't like, they are a dirty, rotten, corrupt politician who oozes slime as they slither down the hallways of power making shady backroom deals by the dozen as they go. Like so many things in life, perspective plays a larger role in our judgements then any sort of objective evidence. Some days it seems like the worlds of both sports and politics can be boiled down to a giant rorschach test in which we view exactly what we always want to see.

Goal celebration songs

I don't know too many names of the songs, but here are some of my likes and dislikes for what arenas play when NHL teams score plus a few suggestions.

I really enjoy the Rangers' song. I don't know if it is by a band or what, but I like it. I like the Flyers, too. I know, both are Atlantic Division rivals with the Penguins, but I can't help it. They're catchy.

The Penguins were fixated on Rock 'n' Roll Part 2 but, have scrapped it since moving into the Consol Energy Center, isn't it ironic that the Consol Energy Center has lighting issues? Anyways, I have been hearing Blur's Song 2 when they score. Yeah, I didn't know the name for a while, either, but it's the one that repeats, "Woo-Hoo" over and over. It fits for a goal celebration song.

The Canadiens play Vertigo, and it doesn't fit at all. I don't mind the song, but it doesn't work for me when it comes to a team scoring. I despise that Chelsea Dagger song they play in Chicago. I like the Blackhawks, but what a bad song. Being that they have been a great team for a while, I am tortured to hear it when I watch Chicago play.

I really like Rise Against's "Help is on the way." Maybe it is in use somewhere, but I like it and the band seems to be popular at NHL arenas. Killswitch Engage's "This fire burns" is really cool and it is a good song that could be played when a tie scores late in the third period with the goalie pulled.